Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Pretty Funny.

Not exactly tech-related, but a good laugh...

List of the "worst" analogies teachers have gotten over the years.  I think they're pretty damn funny.  And not in a haha-look-how-bad-these-are kinda way, but actually funny.  Teachers really need to stop stamping out creativity and humor and irony.  Or we'll be left with no chance for another Twain or Vonnegut.  

My Top Ten (in no particular order): 
10. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
9. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. 
8. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. 
7.Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
6. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at asolar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. 
5.Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. 
4.Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.” 
3. The sardines were packed as tight as the coach section of a 747. 
2. The baseball player stepped out of the box and spit like a fountain statue of a Greek god that scratches itself a lot and spits brown, rusty tobacco water and refuses to sign autographs for all the little Greek kids unless they pay him lots of drachmas. 
1. I felt a nameless dread. Well, there probably is a long German name for it, like Geschpooklichkeit or something, but I don’t speak German. Anyway, it’s a dread that nobody knows the name for, like those little square plastic gizmos that close your bread bags. I don’t know the name for those either. 

1 comment:

  1. Ok. That's one of the most hopeful things I've read in years. They're brilliant. Like this -

    "It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools."